Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
Making goals and sticking to them is what drives personal progress. We all have dreams to become better at something, and many of us make the sacrifices to do just that. We love to share our goals with the people around us hoping for encouragement, but sometimes, we face goal invalidation instead.
What is goal invalidation, you ask? Well, I just made that name up. But it’s a very real form of emotional bullying. To describe goal invalidation, we first need to know what invalidation is.
What is Invalidation?
Emotional invalidation is when someone dismisses another person’s beliefs or rejects that they have good judgment. Like gaslighting, this can make the person feel insignificant, ashamed, or full of self-doubt. They may end up questioning their feelings and possibly suffer mentally because of it.
One form of invalidation seen commonly revolves around goal setting. Someone sharing their goals may face this when a family member or friend gives an unwanted and critical opinion. An example of this is someone learning a new language simply to broaden their horizons, and a friend tells them it will take a long time for little gain.
“Success is steady progress toward one’s personal goals.” – Jim Rohn Click To TweetGoal Invalidation
Goal invalidation is directed at the objectives we set for ourselves and can dampen the spirits of anyone who dreams big. While not always meant to be negative, it can leave someone worrying that they have the wrong mindset. People may make these types of comments with good intentions, trying to be nice or even to give a compliment.
When it comes to weight loss and fitness, I’ve heard a lot of goal invalidation, especially since I started blogging. While some comments are made with the person’s best interests in mind, many seem defensive and may end up pushing the listener away.
Here are some examples of comments which invalidate people’s goals:
- “I could never be like that, it’s too…”
- “Come on, it’s just one. Eat it!”
- “You’re fine the way you are!”
How to Not Invalidate People’s Goals
In reality, these comments are not supportive or useful. It provides no value to discourage someone from reaching their goals unless they’re going to hurt themselves eventually. In that case, sitting them down and talking it through candidly is recommended.
Being supportive is imperative to helping your friends and family reach their goals. Offer encouragement, and try not to give unwanted advice. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Let them know they’re doing a great job. Regardless of how you feel, it’s a good thing to make goals and strive to achieve them.
You don’t have to agree or feel like their path is meant for you as well. Just simply be supportive and accepting. It’ll go a long way.
Dealing with Negative People
While people may not intend to invalidate you or make you feel wrong about your goals, you may end up feeling hurt or alienated by their comments. The first thing to remember in this situation is that they may not mean to make you feel the way they have. This can help you forgive them, and accept that they mean well.
In contrast, if you believe they do mean to be hurtful, I suggest you distance yourself from them if you can. Life is too short to be surrounding yourself with negative people, and you’ll be happier without them around. Also, reaching your goals will be so much easier without someone picking on you the entire time.
In Conclusion
Goal invalidation is a subtle way that people undermine our desires to better ourselves. Most of the time, these comments are made innocently in an attempt to be kind or make someone feel good about themselves. But often, it has the opposite effect. When commenting on someone’s aspirations, we should keep in mind that they are not for us to judge.
Lastly, if you’re dealing with negative people, don’t take their comments to heart, and keep them at arm’s reach. Above all, you need to worry about your own mental health and happiness. In short, don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re making the wrong decisions. Stick to your goals, you’ll be happy you did!
Has there ever been a time that someone invalidated your goals? Let me know in the comments!
That’s it for now everyone. If you’ve found some value in this post, please share it to inspire others too! Thanks!
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
This post contains affiliate links for products that I love. If you use these links to buy something I may earn a commission with no additional cost to you. Thanks for helping keep this site going! Also, this post was made for the site Lose Weight With Ang. If you’re reading this on a different site, please email us https://loseweightwithang.com/contact/
A Little Extra from Ang:
Are you ready to start your binge eating recovery? Here’s a great book to help you out! Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Christopher Fairburn explains why you binge and guides you through your recovery. It’s a simple and effective program to stop binge eating, taught by a compassionate and helpful author.
If you still haven’t read Overcoming Binge Eating, I recommend it! For more information on what the book teaches, I wrote a complete review of Overcoming Binge Eating here.
Click below for quick links to the book on Amazon!
I’ve heard phrases such as, “You’re fine the way you are!” and “Be careful, you are losing weight too fast.” These always used to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I never knew there was a term for these kinds of comments! Thank you! I will be on the lookout for those now. ❤️🦋🌀
There wasn’t a term really…I made up “goal invalidation” haha. That’s just what I feel it is…saying our goals are not justifiable.
I may have unknowingly or unintentionally done this to you in the past love, I’m sorry if I ever did! I’m super proud of you and how far you have come and I love that you’re blogging snd being real. That makes a great blogger ❤️
I don’t recall you ever doing it, you’re super supportive. And thanks 🙂
Yes!
Thanks a $mil’$!
Validation is such a powerful thing. It’s unfortunate that so many people seem to have a hard time with it.
Agreed
These are very good points and I agree, validation of ones process is both needed and important.
Definitely! It’s hard to stay motivated when people are discouraging you.
This happens all the time in the world of sobriety. Its really common and people find it so tough to face this reaction when they first become sober. People question you endlessly and want to know why you would even think about doing it. I was the topic of conversation for months whenever I went out and socialised. People often asked “what forever? You are never drinking again?’. Th worst is when people call you boring and try to persuade you to have ‘just the one’. You have to be really strong to not let it derail you.
Oh dear that’s really awful. I hope they don’t think that saying that is in your best interests. People can be so backwards. Also, being a non-drinker is not boring. I can go out and not drink and have a blast. Boring people are the ones who need to drink to have fun.
I try never to give anyone the kind of power that it takes to make me feel too crappy, based on the things they say. It isn’t easy, but at the end of the day, I know that I have the control (or the power over my life).
I agree. A lot of people I just won’t share my goals with them at all.
You got it! 🙂
So relatable. I also hate when people get too nosey – commenting on everything I’m eating or the workout I’m doing – even though they don’t know much about it. :-/
Yeah, it’s the worst 🙁
I’d never actually heard the phrase goal invalidation before but it makes total sense. I don’t tell anyone my goals. I set myself monthly goals in blogging, business, finance and personal and I just keep them to myself and work on them by myself.
I made up “goal invalidation” because I couldn’t find a term for it. I only share my goals with people I find supportive. Everyone else probably thinks I’m pretty boring lol
Well it should definitely be a real term because it makes total sense!
Maybe it’ll catch on 🙂
Pingback: It’s AWARD time…. – Happy Panda
No prob! I love following people to see what’s being posted.
No prob! I love reading people’s stories.
Pingback: Surviving Christmas When You're a Binge Eater - Lose Weight With Ang
This Is Perfect and Love It🤓💞This Person was me every bit of it until it brung me out of my shell. First is friends thinking you a bank cause you have a job, but on ssi as well. They always say they gonna do this and accomplish that but asking money from me. They don’t want to listen to my suggestion or what Im doing to make an extra income but keeps coming at me with a sad sorry story. I use to give all my out to people saying they will pay me back next week but I haven’t seen any money yet. I stopped going to negative peoples house’s month’s ago and about to deactivate my Facebook Page because I find Helpful and Interesting topic’s to read about on WordPress and it’s no drama. Again I love It💖🤓
It’s so much easier keeping the negative people at a distance. Thanks!
Goal invalidation seems so disrespectful.
It’s certainly not helpful. I think a lot of people who do it think they are helping but are not 🙂
What a positive post with a good message. I strongly believe in doing my own thing and respecting other people to do the same.
That’s the way it should be! 🙂
Pingback: How to Follow The "Don't Diet" Diet - Lose Weight With Ang
The interesting thing about goal invalidation is that some people will do it unknowingly. My husband has told me several times that I should just eat more pizza and stop worrying about the weight gain when we are having date night. The thing is, you never know what’s going on in the person’s mind that lead them to think that way. I think we all need to just avoid commenting on any goals others have because you never know how their mental health is.
Great post as always Ang! You come up with such relatable and real content 😊
Thanks! My goal is to be inspiring, so I’m glad you liked it 😀
Pingback: A New Post from Ang, the Undercover Blogger - Lose Weight With Ang
Thanks for having me Lisa! And yes, it’s a hard thing to pick up on.
Pingback: They All Hate Me Because I'm Fat! - Lose Weight With Ang
Pingback: Simple Gifts for the Health Nut in Your Life - Lose Weight With Ang
Pingback: Never Binge Again: The Ultimate Book Review - Lose Weight With Ang
Pingback: Why a Positive Mental Attitude Is So Important - Lose Weight With Ang