Compare Ourselves Apples to Apples Comparing

When We Compare Ourselves to Other People

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All my life, I’ve often compared myself with the people around me. As someone who’s suffered from eating disorders, I would find friends or celebrities the same height as me, then try to find out their weight. I did this just to see how I compared to them, and most of the time, this ended in soul-crushing disappointment. So, is it helpful to compare ourselves to other people? Let’s find out.

Why do We Compare Ourselves?

Comparison with other people is normal behavior that we all take part in, whether we believe it or not. With the rise of social media, it’s becoming harder to avoid. We have endless opportunities to see other people’s lives and compare them to our own.

It sometimes doesn’t seem fair. You see how many friends a disrespectful person has, or how beautiful someone who doesn’t work out or put on makeup is. Then there’s you, putting in all your time and effort to have just a fraction of what they do. In the end, you may start to believe there’s something wrong with you.

Is Comparing Yourself to Others Helpful?

Comparison can encourage us to better ourselves which can be positive and helpful. Although, things like being rich or tall can’t be achieved easily and discourage us. Becoming obsessed with comparing ourselves can lead to unhappiness and even hate. Jealousy can lead to us bringing others down rather than building ourselves up.

Obsession with comparison can be crippling to one’s life. It can paralyze you, making you not want to try new things, or stopping you from getting involved in activities you feel you’re inadequate at. It can also be harmful to our mental health and shatter our self-esteem.

Focus on Improving Yourself

Remember, you won’t be good at everything, and it’s useless to beat yourself up over the things you’re not. Instead, you can compare yourself to a former version of yourself. Look back a year. Are you proud of anything you’ve accomplished? Accept where you are and how far you’ve come. Focus on improving yourself, rather than trying to be someone else.

Better yet, looking back at your former self can remind you that you’re still a work in progress. No one is perfect, and we all have things we want to improve on. You may be at a different stage of your improvement than someone else, but that doesn’t make you worth any less.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

If you find that you’re comparing yourself to others so much that it’s harming your mental wellbeing, it’s time to make a few changes. Aside from assuring yourself that you’re a work in progress, and focusing on your own improvement, here are a few steps to take care of your mental health:

  • Limit your time on social media. If you need help, there are apps that track how long you spend on social media.
  • Start journaling each day. This can help you pinpoint the negative thoughts you have about yourself, and turn them around.
  • Make a list of things you’re good at and grateful for. When you’re feeling down about yourself, refer to the list for inspiration.
  • Do an audit of the people you keep around you. Do they compare themselves or compare you to others? Are they always bragging about their lives? Consider spending less time with the ones who do.
  • Also, consider removing or muting people who are always flaunting their blessings on social media. While it’s great that they’re happy, you shouldn’t let it make you unhappy.
“Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.” -Betty Jamie Chung Click To Tweet

Not Needing to Compare Ourselves

While comparison can make someone want to work harder, it also leads to mental exhaustion when they don’t see clear progress. In the end, there are a couple of things you should keep in mind when comparing yourself to the people around you. Remember, you are a work in progress, and it’s okay to not be the best at something. Focus on improving what you can, and don’t get hung up on what you can’t.

Also, consider taking a step back from the people who make you feel overly jealous or inadequate. Taking a break from social media especially can help us break the chains of comparison and jealousy. Obviously, your mental health has to come first.

Has comparing yourself to others around you had a negative effect on your mental health? Let me know in the comments!

That’s it for now everyone. If you’ve found some value in this post, please share it to inspire others too! Thanks!

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36 thoughts on “When We Compare Ourselves to Other People”

  1. It’s hard to avoid falling into the comparison trap. I find it helpful to recognize it as my head telling me stupid things, and it will shut up eventually.

  2. Love this post! I so agree with you comparison can be helpful if you’re looking to get better but if it clouds your thinking with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, you just need to stop. I realised that comparison wasn’t the best for me since I wasn’t following the same path as people I was comparing myself to and it filled me with self depreciation, so I pulled myself out of that cycle. But definitely people need to do what works best for them. I’m glad your post explains how comparing can be good and bad.

  3. I think we all compare ourselves to others at some point in our lives be it in appearance, intelligence, how far they’ve gotten in life, etc. it’s a horrible cycle that needs to be broken before it breaks us! I still compare myself to how others look, but somehow this quarantine has made it sooo much less relevant. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts 😊

  4. Excellent post! I think it’s human nature for us to compare ourselves with others from time to time, and as you’ve pointed out, sometimes it may push us a bit toward improvement. Overall, though, comparisons don’t work because people are different. There are certain things — like how tall we are — that we can’t change, and comparison is only going to create unhappiness until we learn to love and accept ourselves just as we are. In areas of skill — such as art or music — it’s pointless for us to compare ourselves to others because each of us is on our own “timeline”. Beginners often compare themselves to others who have had years of experience in a field and then feel disappointed or inadequate because they don’t “measure up”. We can aspire to be better, we can work to achieve specific goals, but all in all we should avoid making comparisons that aren’t going to be useful for us.

  5. Ang, first timer here. Comparisons are hard to avoid, but should be whenever possible. One of the things about Facebook, for example, is the reader is comparing themselves to an “air-brushed” image of the Facebook’s host and his or her life. The host has purposefully not shared all the same trials and tribulations that the reader might have. Another thought I had as I read this is how many actors and actresses will use stand-in body doubles when there are close-ups of their thighs, arms, torsos.

    So, just be the very best version of yourself. Set achievable, but stretch goals and celebrate those little victories. Keith

    1. Hi Keith, welcome to my site! It’s definitely a challenge to not compare ourselves to people we see around us, but you’re right…some things need to be taken with a grain of salt.

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  7. Whatever someone else has that you don’t, you have something that they don’t. No one can know or do or have it all. Whatever your experiences, you have learned from them and they have helped you to become who you are today. <3 Your advice not to compare ourselves with others is very wise. <3 Have a great week!

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