They all Hate me Because Im Fat Girl Being Left Out

They All Hate Me Because I’m Fat!

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How Anxiety Makes You Lie to Yourself

Since around the age of 11, I’ve suffered from crippling anxiety due to poor body image. I attended hip-hop dance classes during this time and spent them observing myself in a wall-sized mirror. Most of the other girls in the class were thinner than me, and I took notice of how much more graceful they seemed to dance. From then on, being fat was the blame for many of my problems.

That’s right. I began to believe that many of the hardships I face are because of my weight. If someone doesn’t want to be friends or pay attention to me, it’s because I’m fat. I look bad in those pants; too fat. I didn’t get invited; way too fat!

Worshipping Thin, Demonizing Fat

On the flip side, I also began to imagine “thin” being synonymous with “happiness.” I believed that success would only come to me if I were in shape. Everyone would love me uncompromisingly if I were slim and toned. Although I had no solid proof that this was true, I religiously believed it.

Over time, I started to manifest these toxic thoughts. These thoughts assured me that once I dropped the extra weight and maintained a healthy lifestyle, any problem I have in my life will somehow magically be fixed. I would be reborn, free from any anxiety, and full of confidence. Everything from my personality flaws to my wrinkles would be remedied.

I’m not saying my beliefs about weight loss were wrong. Being overweight can worsen many physical and mental health complications. Many of my own social problems will be remedied by weight loss simply because I won’t use my weight as an excuse to stay home. I will be happier to have photos taken, and generally enjoy activities more without nagging anxiety about my gut or double chin. I’ll also be more in shape, giving me more energy and making work easier.

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” – Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata Click To Tweet

It Became Social Phobia

So, why did I come to have these thoughts? Was being overweight really so bad? My anxious mind had transformed me into a recluse because of it. I looked to find where I may have gotten such a poor outlook on fat. My unsupportive family and the media came to mind.

My family would pick on me often. It was a form of entertainment for them. They commonly used “fat neck”, and “big-boned” to describe me. I was the only daughter with 4 brothers, and also the only one whose weight was a common topic. I never got a break from it.

At home wasn’t the only place where I found reasons to hate fat. Society generally sees people who are heavier as less attractive and less valuable. This seemingly is one of the forms of discrimination that’s still acceptable.

Even news channels speculate about overweight people being less intelligent. When this type of information is displayed everywhere, how is someone supposed to love their body at any weight? Knowing this happens makes it easy to lie to yourself and keep believing the deceit.

Because Im Fat Hate How I Look

I’m Not Worthless Because I’m Fat

When you lie to yourself and believe the way you look is your only asset, your mind becomes an inescapable prison. You suffer from social phobia, anxiety and have trouble forgiving yourself when you don’t fit society’s flawed perception of beauty. This is a heavy dose of mental illness to inject yourself with.

I’m still learning to tell myself that losing weight isn’t going to make my life magically perfect. I’ll be proving it to myself and everyone who follows my weight loss transformation over the next few months. Now I plan to lose weight for my health, not to prove to anyone I’m successful or worthy of love.

Do you have any misbeliefs about your appearance that you’ve struggled with? Let me know in the comments!

That’s it for now everyone. If you’ve found some value in this post, please share it to inspire others too! Thanks!

The Name Ang in cursive black text. There is a magenta heart next to it. Ang Signoff Heart

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29 thoughts on “They All Hate Me Because I’m Fat!”

  1. Many valid observations here! I especially hear the one about the news media. Turn them off! Haha! I quit watching the news more than two years ago. (I get all the news I want—or don’t want—from Twitter anyway. 😉)
    I’ve been skinny half of my life and fat for the other half and NEVER happy with my body, so I am with you on the self love stuff as what I can work on. And to feel healthy in my own skin. ❤️🦋🌀

    1. I hear ya! I’m scared once I finally get to a healthy weight I’ll still hate my body. Which it why I’m trying to focus on loving it anyway.

  2. I so resonate with your post. Being overweight has defined most of my life. I always thought that my life would be sorted if I lost weight and I did lose the weight but life is more than just weight.
    For the longest I’d shut people out – because I was scared people judged me because of my weight. I was also very low on confidence because my family and friends unknowingly effected my self esteem by constantly calling me fat. 🙈
    My takeaway – Being healthy is important but whether you are fat or thin – you’re worth is so much more than a number on the weighing scale.

    1. I read that people who are fat-shamed are more likely to gain weight. Anyone who claims they are “helping” are probably doing the opposite.

  3. An interesting blog post! You are right that losing weight won’t make everything 100% perfect, and you should lose weight for yourself and not for anyone else!

  4. This was a really brave post to make and I’m excited to follow your journey! I’ve been on my own weightloss journey these past four years and can relate to some of what you’ve said. There’s a lot of doubts that plague your mind being someone who isn’t thin in a society that thinks anything other than that is not ‘beautiful’. The fact of the matter is all body shapes and sizes are beautiful <3

    I began my weightloss journey because I was so self-conscious about how others perceived me, but now I realise everything I do is for me and no one else. I completely changed my entire lifestyle by eating healthier. I love looking for new recipes I want to make because the thing is you can eat healthy and still enjoy what you're eating. This year I even began to do more frequent physical activity, which was a foreign concept to me before 2020. I still may not be skinny but I feel healthier and happier. My goal was originally to change the way I look, but now I realise my goal is just to be healthy and that's what drives me.

    1. That’s great that your focussing on health and not just appearances. It’s liberating to not be dragged down by anxiety.

  5. I really hope that one day, beauty wouldn’t be defined as being thin. Every body type should be celebrated, every single one!❤️

    1. I agree! It’s caused me so much anxiety worrying about my weight. I’m finally learning to love it regardless, and work on improving my health instead.

  6. The reason why I hated going to school😞I was always picked on for being chubby or called Mexican but Im not Hispanic. After high school I slimmed down but was picked about my lips. Long story short I adore Myself Now and Everything Else🤓. Im 44yrs old and Loving My Body💃

    1. That’s so awful to hear. I think people who treat people like that lack common sense. Making fun of people literally has no value for the bully or the bullied. I’m glad you’ve learned to love yourself 🙂

  7. The Eclectic Contrarian

    The world will never accept you. If you’re not happy with yourself, you’re allowing the world to unaccept you. Hopefully that makes sense lol..

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