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Four Different Eating Disorders, All in One Lifetime

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When I was in middle school, I was taught about the different eating disorders. I was shown pictures and videos of starving and emaciated bodies and warned of the many dangers of the diseases. And while those images stuck with me forever, I never took them to heart.

“That will never be me,” I would say to myself. “I’ll never let myself get that skinny.”

But being thin is not the defining criterion for an eating disorder. These ailments exist in people regardless of their weight and are serious nonetheless. Now that I’m aware of this, I can look back and see a pattern of self-harm and sickness throughout my own life.

The Different Eating Disorders I’ve Dealt With

Although these are all different eating disorders, they’ve been caused by the same mentality for me. I feel like I’ve only had one eating disorder that was always evolving. Like I was finding new methods of coping with the same problem.

I haven’t had a post where I’ve laid out my soul for everyone to see in a while, so let’s dig in, shall we? Here’s the story of how I wasted my life trying to lose weight.

Anorexia

Until very recently, I forgot I ever suffered from anorexia. I’ve joked in the past that it was the only eating disorder I never had. Thinking back, it was the first eating disorder I ever had.

Living with my parents, I rarely had control over what food was brought into the house. But I could control how little I ate. Since I didn’t know much about weight loss (except that food makes you fat), this was the obvious way for me to start dropping pounds.

My anorexia didn’t last very long. As my obsession with weight loss progressed, I learned as much as I could about what foods to eat in what quantities. My disordered eating quickly transformed into orthorexia.

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.” – Simone de Beauvoir Click To Tweet

Orthorexia

Still very unknown, orthorexia is the obsession with eating as “cleanly” and “perfectly” as possible. For me, it also involved compulsive exercising. I took it very far one summer in my teens and ended up losing my period for a few months. In the movie G. I. Jane, Jordan got amenorrhea, which makes me feel kind of badass. But in reality, this is remarkably unhealthy.

With orthorexia, if I ate something that wasn’t exactly planned, I would be consumed by guilt. Even sitting for too long prompted me to exercise multiple times a day or spend hours on the treadmill walking. What’s worse, I would get praised for my discipline and ability to lose weight so quickly. Orthorexia comes with a sense of righteousness, and it’s difficult to see that there’s a problem at all.

I rarely spent more than a few months following an orthorexic plan. Being preoccupied with everything from portions to calories to exercise is exhausting. It’s so unsustainable that my body would rebel against me, leading to my next eating disorder.

Infographic poster about symptoms of orthorexia. Different eating disorders

Binge Eating Disorder

While dealing with orthorexia, I came face to face with binge eating disorder. Binging was a by-product of the restriction that I had put myself through. When you restrict too much, the body will defend itself by making food irresistible. This is a survival instinct that kept humans alive long before there were supermarkets.

Since I’ve spent my life obsessing over weight loss and food, I fell into a cycle of restriction and binging. I would diet to lose weight, then binge when it got unbearable. Binging became a comfort for me and a go-to for stress relief and boredom.

Instead of finding healthy ways to enjoy my time off, I would plan out days where I gathered and ate the foods I love in large amounts. Taking time to relax and do enjoyable activities is considered self-care, whereas using my spare time to worsen my eating disorder is most definitely not.

On a lighter note, I have my own version of Netflix and chill: Netflix and binge. One of my favorite pastimes was watching Netflix while binging on my favorite foods. Why I came up with this quirky name for it, I don’t know.

Bulimia and Purging

I rarely talk about bulimia on my blog. Because I had been a binge eater long before I knew how to purge, I feel like an expert on the subject. Bulimia is my most recent eating disorder, one which I didn’t have for long.

When I was a teenager, I tried to purge unsuccessfully. While I sat in the bathroom stall crying, I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of failure. Why could I not make myself puke when other people can? I moved on but never forgot that feeling.

Years later, I stumbled upon a forum online dedicated to “helping” binge eaters and anorexics lose weight. It gave numerous tips on purging, and, as sick as it sounds, I was excited to try again. I succeeded and reshaped my disordered eating.

I didn’t think of myself as a victim because I had bulimia. To me, purging became just a normal thing. Paired with my binge eating, it was like a daily ritual. I never lost weight with bulimia, but purging allowed me to binge more without gaining.

I plan to go into the dangers of purging in another post, but for now, know that it’s best to never start. It becomes addictive. There were times when I would eat something, and then thoughts urging me to purge would swarm my mind. You will never be at peace after eating.

Coping with Different Eating Disorders

Since starting my blog, I’ve gone through a major transformation. With all of the research I’ve done on eating disorders (and digging into my own thoughts), I’ve learned to allow myself to live without food restriction or guilt. I’m losing weight, something I’ve been trying to do all along, by giving up disordered eating altogether.

While living through different eating disorders is not something I’d wish on anyone, I feel like I’ve come out stronger. Learning to give up disordered eating and restrictions has been a valuable lesson. Now, through my blog, I can share what I learned with the world.

Finding out how to understand your thoughts is the biggest key to success in recovery. Brain over Binge is a book that helped me with binge eating and bulimia by teaching me how to combat my illness from the inside out. The author, Kathryn Hansen, describes her personal battle with bulimia, and how she overcame it in the end. The book offers a simple and permanent solution. If you would like more information, I wrote an in-depth and honest review here.

Have you struggled with different eating disorders in your life? If you’re comfortable sharing, how have you managed to free yourself?

That’s it for now everyone. If you’ve found some value in this post, please share it to inspire others too! Thanks!

The Name Ang in cursive black text. There is a magenta heart next to it. Ang Signoff Heart

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36 thoughts on “Four Different Eating Disorders, All in One Lifetime”

  1. Wow, what a journey, Ang! I’m so proud of your progress.
    I’ve been dealing with binge eating since my teens. Eating was my coping mechanism for everything that saddened me. A few years back I decided to try and change my habits – I started working out and somehow my binge eating wore off. I allowed myself room to eat cheat meals so I never felt the need to binge eat.
    I can see signs of binge eating returning to my life with all the anxiety and stress from the past few months but I’ve managed to keep it at bay by just refocusing whenever I feel it. I also don’t stock my house with too many treats so that helps to keep binge snacking at bay.
    Your story is so impressive and I’m so glad you shared it with us. ❤️

    1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you learned to be mindful of your eating and allow yourself to enjoy the foods you like. That’s so important! I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out

  2. What a journey it has been for you! Glad to know you are doing better now. Having never had an ED I can’t even imagine what going through that feels like. Seems like they are all connected. Getting over one ED leads to developing a different one.

    1. That’s exactly what I experienced, sadly. Ever-changing eating disorders. And yes, I’ve come a long way. Thanks a lot 🙂

  3. It’s so much more common than people realise, finding a good relationship with food isn’t easy and isn’t talked about enough. Thanks for sharing ❤️

    1. It is! So many people think you need to be super skinny to have an eating disorder, which is untrue. I’m glad to be able to share my story 🙂

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  5. It’s funny you mentioned the forums that help people purge. I came across many of those and remember thinking how sick yet helpful it was. I really hope that these sites can somehow disappear because they perpetuate the problem and cause lot’s of deaths. Eating disorders are common, not normal. I’m sorry you fell prey to that. 🙁

    1. It was pretty sick and so was I when I read it. It’s like finding a forum telling you how best to self-harm. It’s sad that they even exist 🙁

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